“And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.” Matthew 6:12 NLT

Conflict resolution is one of the essential skills I navigate daily, especially as a parent. Whether it’s helping my three young children resolve their disputes or empowering them to handle conflicts on their own, I constantly find myself in the role of mediator. What strikes me most, though, is how effortlessly my kids forgive one another and move on. I frequently ponder on the complexities of forgiveness.

When we wrong others, we crave forgiveness—especially when we value the relationship. There’s a sense of relief and warmth when we are forgiven. It feels wonderful when the relationship returns to its previous state, or even improves, after an infraction. Knowing that someone still loves us and wants us in their lives despite our imperfections is deeply comforting. So why, then, is it so difficult to extend that same magnanimity to others?

Here are a few reasons that might explain why forgiveness can be challenging:

1. Pain: We are genuinely hurt. Whether it’s emotional, psychological, physical, or financial harm, the pain is real. It takes time to process that pain, heal, and move forward. Sometimes, we need support to truly heal from the wounds inflicted.
2. Pride: We struggle to accept that someone has disrespected us—especially when we feel we deserve better. It can be difficult to forgive when we believe we are owed more respect or consideration than we got.
3. Unworthiness: This ties in with pride. Many of us carry a hidden belief that we are unworthy of kindness or respect. When someone wrongs us, it can reinforce that feeling, making the pain even more intense and difficult to let go of.
4. Loss: Often, after an infraction, we know that things may never return to the way they were. We grieve not only the relationship but also the trust and innocence that have been lost. The shift in the dynamic can feel irreparable, and that sense of loss can make forgiveness seem impossible.
5. Fear: The closer someone is to us, the greater the pain we feel when they hurt us. We often experience more intense hurt from those we love or admire, which makes the betrayal feel even more overwhelming. The fear of being hurt again can lead us to distance ourselves from the person, cutting them off to protect ourselves from further pain.

So why should we forgive? How do we forgive? What is the Christian, ethical, or moral approach to walking away without bitterness? These are all questions we’ll be exploring in subsequent issues.