I will be concluding the series on forgiveness by reflecting on how to forgive. Forgiveness can be tough, especially when the offense comes from someone close to us and the betrayal feels deep. Our souls ache from the pain. The story of humanity and our relationship with God is partially rooted in offense—the breakdown of a precious relationship—followed by forgiveness and restitution through sacrificial love. God was hurt, but He reached out to us. More than that, He paid the penalty for our offense and charted a path for a renewed relationship with Him. In fact, I might even argue that, through understanding His perfect and sacrificial love despite our imperfections, we can now have an even closer and more intimate relationship with God.

In the same way, I believe that sometimes working through an offense successfully can strengthen a relationship. However, it’s important to note that there are some relationships from which you may need to walk away—even after forgiveness has been extended.

I hope that by now you are convinced of the need to forgive and have made the decision to begin the journey toward it. Deciding to forgive is often the hardest step, but it’s the first one toward peace. The road to forgiveness isn’t always easy and can sometimes feel like a winding, circular path. But stay the course and remain committed to your decision. Now that you’ve made that decision, let’s explore some practical ways to help you find the peace you deserve.

1. Reflect on the events and search your heart
Think about the choices you made that may have contributed to the conflict. This isn’t about blaming yourself or denying your pain—the offense happened and your hurt is real. However, conflicts often have two viewpoints. By examining the situation from an objective perspective, you might find it easier to offer grace to the other person. Sometimes we also discover that we aren’t as innocent as we thought, and this realization can soften our hearts toward others.

“Every person’s way is right in his own eyes, but the LORD examines the heart.” (Proverbs 21:2 NASB)
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24 NKJV)
“The first to speak in court sounds right—until the cross-examination begins.” (Proverbs 18:17 NLT)

2. Forgive yourself
Sometimes, our pain stems from believing we contributed to the situation. We might think, “If I hadn’t let this person into my life, this wouldn’t have happened.” But remember: you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Even if you could have acted differently, you are still human and imperfect. God offers you forgiveness, and He can bring beauty out of the ashes of your situation. Accept His forgiveness and extend that same grace to yourself.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1 NKJV)
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12 NKJV)

3. See them as imperfect humans
Try viewing the person who hurt you as someone who is also flawed, with their own set of struggles. Ask yourself, “If I were wired like they are, would I have acted differently?” Sometimes, considering their imperfections can soften our hearts.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23 KJV)

4. Forgive specific actions
Identify the aspects of the events that hurt you most. Forgiving one action at a time can help you process the hurt. Taking it step by step might create a snowball effect and momentum that eventually leads to complete forgiveness.

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin…” (Zechariah 4:10 NLT)

5. Don’t dwell on the conflict
After reflecting on how your choices may have contributed to the situation, avoid making a habit of replaying the conflict in your mind. Take those negative thoughts captive and replace them with thoughts that honor God.

“[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

6. Think of them in a positive light
Reminisce about some of the good times you shared and the positive impact they had on your life. Gratitude changes us and helps rewire our thinking. It becomes harder to stay angry when we choose to live with a mindset of thankfulness.

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV)
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

7. Do it as a sacrifice to God
Forgiving others is important to God, and there are blessings associated with obedience. Choose to see forgiveness as an act of worship, even if you don’t see immediate rewards. It’s an opportunity to model God’s heart for forgiveness, especially to those who look up to you.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12 NIV)

8. Consider the benefits of reconciliation
Think about how a restored, loving, and improved relationship can positively impact your life and the lives of others.

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)

9. Give yourself grace and time
If forgiveness proves harder than you expected, be kind to yourself. Letting go is especially difficult when the offense comes from someone close to you. Healing may take time, but make it a priority and stay intentional about it.

“A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.” (Proverbs 18:19 NIV)

10. Pray about it
This is the most important step. I did not put it at the top because I did not want it to seem like I was trivializing pain or offering a “pray about it” band-aid for trauma. Prayer works wonders, even with emotional struggles. Many of us pray for big needs but forget to pray about the smaller things, like healing from hurt. God cares about these things too! Pray for Him to change your heart and help you become the person He’s calling you to be. Another reason to involve Him is that a sin might have been committed, and the person’s actions also hurt God. This in itself can be a bonding experience with God and take you on a spiritual journey with Him as He heals you. He will give you His peace if you ask for it and invite Him in.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16 NIV)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27 NKJV)

After forgiveness, some relationships may never be the same, and it’s okay. Sometimes, walking away from the relationship is the healthiest option for both parties. But don’t fall into the trap of bitterness. Even if you must distance yourself, remember that the experience was allowed for a reason—and God will use it for your good. If you are ever in a position to assist the other person, don’t withhold goodness, for our reward comes from God.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5:43-45 NIV)

Forgiveness may be one of the hardest things we do, but it frees us. It holds lasting rewards in this life and the life to come. May God help us navigate the difficult seasons in our relationships with grace.

I’d love to hear your thoughts or any other practical tips you might have for navigating the journey of forgiveness.