“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” — Romans 3:23 NIV

This verse speaks to our imperfection as humans. We are all flawed, yet we are still called to raise and guide children. While we may know some truly remarkable parents, none of us knows a perfect one. Each of us exists somewhere along the spectrum of exceptional to struggling, and the parents in the Bible are no exception. They, too, parented from a place of humanity, shortcomings and all.

As we read through Scripture, we encounter many examples of imperfect parenting. Take Isaac, who clearly favored Esau over Jacob and planned to bless him, possibly leaving Jacob with little to nothing (Genesis 27:1–40). Talk about unapologetic favoritism! We also see negative family patterns repeat across generations. Abraham, fearing for his life, claimed Sarah was his sister when they encountered a powerful king (Genesis 20). His son Isaac later did the exact same thing with his wife, Rebekah (Genesis 26:6–11). David sinned gravely through lust (2 Samuel 11). Solomon, his son, was eventually led astray by his many wives and concubines (1 Kings 11:1–13).

It’s easy to spot where people in the Bible got it wrong. But if we’re honest, we are not exempt from making our own mistakes as we shepherd those dearest to our hearts. I’ve come to believe that we parent out of who we are, our experiences, our wounds, and our observations. This helps explain why certain patterns tend to repeat in families. It’s often a mix of both genetics and environment

While we can do little about our genetics beyond being proactive and mindful, we have much more influence over the environment we create for our children. And that begins with us.

The most powerful way to break harmful patterns and cultivate healthy ones is by working on ourselves, striving each day to become the best version of who God created us to be. Children learn more from what they see than from what they are told. If there are qualities you hope to instill in your children, you must first nurture those traits in yourself.

There are many compelling reasons to pursue personal growth, but one of the most important is this: to be a worthy example for your children. Let’s not be hypocritical in our parenting. Let us be the leaders our children need, authentic, accountable, and aligned with the values we hope to see in them.

They see what happens behind closed doors. May those unseen moments inspire them to become who you hope they’ll be, and more importantly, who God created them to be.

In the next post, we’ll continue this series with parenting lessons from people in the bible, what we can learn from their successes and their missteps.