Grace in Parenting: Treating Our Children as We Wish to Be Treated

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Every time I read this scripture, I reflect on the individuals who have offended me in life—whether they are strangers, friends, or even family. But it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I began to think about this verse in relation to my children.

One evening, after my daughter did something I had specifically asked her not to do, I was giving her a talk. In that moment, I felt a gentle stirring in my spirit. I heard the Lord say, “You do this as well. You, too, do things I ask you not to do. Be mindful of that when you deal with her mistakes. Treat her the way you would want to be treated when you make mistakes, and extend to her the grace you crave.” Since that day, this reminder has come up often whenever I deal with my children’s mistakes.

As parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to grow into the best versions of themselves, but sometimes we set such high expectations that we forget to show them the same grace we would want if we were in their shoes. At times, we can be downright hypocritical—expecting them to meet standards we ourselves sometimes fail to meet.

Yes, we should train our children in the way they should go. Providing discipline and structure is essential as we guide them toward becoming the great men and women God has created them to be. But we must do this with grace and humility, remembering that, in many ways, we are not so different from them.

Jesus repeatedly addressed hypocrisy throughout Scripture. In Matthew 7:3-5, He says: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (NIV)

Let us not only love our neighbors as ourselves but also be intentional about loving and guiding our children as we would ourselves—especially when they make mistakes. As we partner with God in helping them become who they are created to be, let’s do so with the same grace and understanding we would want if we were in their place.